Two girls, Guy and baked beans Not a good mix!
by Leah Day
Summary: Guy & 2 Oc's. Two noble sisters arrive at Gisborne's pleasure palace for a day of pleasure. What happens when Bobbin and Maz gate crash the palace? Read and find out.


_**Two girls. Baked beans and Gisborne … Not a good mix**_

_**By Jules & Leah.**_

_**Summary**_

The title says it all. Rated M for many reasons. Bobbin bashing. Smut, all good stuff!

VERY silly, Very AU. Edited by Leah. And called "Gizzy's pleasure palace" on Dreamer Fiction

This fic started off as a bit of madness between Jules and me on MSN. After laughing so hard at the craziness we were writing, we decided to turn it into a fic.

This is Guy & OC and if you believe in Mary Sues please remember that this is fan fic and it is a comedy, it's not meant to be taken seriously.

_**Disclaimer**_

Jules and I own Gizzy's pleasure palace, aka Sir Guy of Gisborne on yahoo groups.

We do not however own the lyrics to that odd rubber ducky song on _Sesame Street_ nor do we own _Robin Hood_.

The baked beans idea came from an interview where RA said he could not get baked beans in Hungary. Copyright infringement is not intended.

Ditty is dedicated to RA's fondness of baked beans. All rubber ducky's everywhere and to my dear friend Jules who is also my BETA.

Now!

Let us begin.

_**The entrance of Gizzy's pleasure palace.**_

When two naughty noble sisters, Nola and Isobel, arrived quite dishevelled upon the steps of Lord Spongy bottom-err-Sir Guy of Gisborne's pleasure palace, he was surprised, and at the same time, a little disappointed for they had not looked at all like the wealthy beauties he had been expecting. However, given how far both girls had to come, Gizzy decided they still looked good.

Nola and Isobel had heard that mad Annie, who had visited Guy in his pleasure palace many times before, apparently that's how little Seth came to be, had sampled the sacred baked beans.

Ah, yes! The sacred baked beans! The fabled baked beans! These were "**VERY**" strong baked beans and weren't to be scoffed for hurried intake of the beans was bad for ones health.

These positively scrummy babies were so scandalous the tins were kept under lock and key. They had to be, for linking Guy to the beans would ruin his reputation for he had managed to beat Robin Hood in a farting contest and no one but the sheriff, Vasey had given them to Guy as a crap excuse for a birthday present, knew that Gisborne was using a banned substance.

Till now.

_**Inside the pleasure palace!**_

"Oh no," grumbles Gisborne.

"What?" Nola asks.

"What is she doing here?" He points a black leather finger at Marian, aka, Maz.

"Sir Guy," Maz greets haughtily.

"Beg, fetch, and … What's another word associated with a dog? Oh, yes! Roll over, you pouty little Bitch!" Isobel yells.

"Nice to see you too," Maz replies coolly.

Isobel glares at Nola, hands on her shapely hips.

"She gave you the big eyes, didn't she?"

Nola whimpers and tries to hide behind Guy.

"So why are you here, Marian?" Gisborne rumbles, folding his arms across his impressive chest.

"I thought we'd have a little party," the pretty wench replied with a cute smile. "All four of us!"

The two noble sisters immediately start whining to Guy who does his famous "Oh crap" look.

"**LADIES!"** he eventually barks.

The whining stops instantaneously.

_**Later in a shadowy corner**_

"Are you sure this will work, Robin?"

"Yeah," Robin said, handing Marian a thick package. "Much swears that he heard Gisborne say to Vasey that he scoffed sausages before the contest,"

"Well I hope he's right."

"We're not going to … hurt those girls are we?" Robin asks warily.

"No." Maz lied.

_**Meanwhile.**_

Allan has rocked up and Guy is thoroughly pissed off.

"Who the hell let you in?" he bellows.

"I did!" says a voice behind Allan.

"Oh no," groans Guy, smacking a hand to his forehead.

"Oh yes!" snickers Robin Hood.

"Where are you coming from?" Guy yells. "Pretty soon we're going to have no room at all!"

"Room for what, Guy?" Maz asks, appearing out of nowhere, passing out hot dogs.

"He's getting more birds, I just know it!" Allan cries rubbing his hands together gleefully.

"No!" says a voice. "He means more room for _me_."

Everyone groans and Guy smacks his forehead yet again.

Vasey comes out from a shadowy corner wearing a black silk robe.

"Gisborne, how dare you not invite me to your pleasure palace!!!" the big V yells.

"My lord, I-"

"No excuses Sir Spongy bottom," the sheriff replies, marching down stairs, grabbing a snag in bread from the leper-um-Maz. "I'm deeply wounded. A clue! No! Why am I not wounded? Because I can rock up any time I like! Why? Because I'm the sheriff! Why? Because Prince John felt like putting a sadistic maniac in charge of Nottingham rather then someone sane and kind, that's why!"

Guy turns to Allan who is chomping on a snag.

"What can I do for you, minion?" he asks.

Allan grins wickedly.

"Take me to the dungeon, baby!"

Robin is confused.

"The dungeon in the castle?"

"Nah. Gizzy has one here! This groovy-"

"As you wish!" Gisborne cuts off. He claps his hands. "Ladies!"

Nola and Isobel appear wearing black silk robes very much like Vasey's, except they look ten times better in theirs.

Anyway.

'Take him away!" Gizzy orders.

"So No whips or slappy? No knight & Squire?" Allan asks looking very much like a pitiful puppy.

Guy turns bright red

"Maybe later."

"What?" exclaims Allan, dropping his sausage, "Are you telling me that I came all this way just to be locked up?"

"I'm still recovering from Isobel." Guy adds with a smirk and wink.

Isobel blushes.

Maz and Nola give Isobel dirty looks then wonder what on earth she did to him.

"I'm not being funny," starts Allan, "but."

"You're never funny, Allan!" Robin says interrupting and flashing that annoying boyish grin at everyone. "Me, on the other hand-"

"Oh grow up!" everyone yells, very irritated.

Robin is miffed.

"You're mean!" he snaps.

Allan is dragged away.

* * *

Nola and Isobel have returned from taking Allan to the dungeons. They are so eager to return to Guy they do not see Robin and Marian crossing their fingers.

"I'm bored," Robin grumbles.

"So?" Marian asks.

"We could have an eating contest?" he suggests.

Marian rolls her eyes.

"Always thinking of your stomach! We've just had hot dogs!"

"I'm an outlaw!" Robin cries defensively. "Besides thinking about which smile I should use on which village, I have to think about food!"

Marian rolls her eyes again.

"Typical!" she mutters under her breath.

"What do ya say to an eating contest, Gisborne?" Robin asks.

Guy pushes Nola and Isobel off him so he can do some excessive brooding, thinking, over the idea.

Vasey, who thinks this will be absolutely hysterical, tells Guy to take Robin on or he will be forced to act as stripper for Prince John's next birthday bash.

or, and this was considerably worse, Vasey would get himself pissed as a parrot and force everyone to watch him do a drunken version of his munchkin dance which was beyond all doubt even worse then the one he performs when sober.

Guy uneasily agrees and tells Nola and Isobel to organise the food.

_**The Eating contest**_

Two huge bowls are brought into the palaces dining room filled to the brim with baked beans.

"Let the contest begin!" declares Maz.

Stuff, stuff, stuff.

"Toast, Guy?"

Stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff.

"Yes please, Robin."

Stuff, stuff, stuff-BURP!

_**After the eating Contest**_

Both men are well and truly full and utterly knackered. Therefore, they chose to admit defeat before one of them explodes.

Marian attends to Robin on one end because he has a tummy ache and needed his nappy changed whilst Nola and Isobel attend to Guy on the other end because he is well fit.

Nola leans over and sniffs Guy.

"What?" He asks annoyed. He does not find being sniffed on attractive at all.

"Every body smells." Nola informs him. "But you're the worst. Giz BO and bake bean breath is not a turn on."

"So?"

Nola, Isobel, and Maz run off into a shadowy corner and conspire. When they return they are wearing black leather bikinis.

The girls, clad in their black leather bikinis, declare that RH & Guy should have a rubber ducky battle since they tied in the eating contest.

"But why? ... My ducky is like, so much bigger then his!" whines Guy.

"And my tummy still hurts!" Robin adds pitifully.

"I'd have to see his ducky to be sure that's true," says Isobel giving Robin a mischievous wink, trying to help him get over his tummy ache.

Maz glares at her.

"Hands off my outlaw!" she seethes clenching her fists.

* * *

"Rubber ducky!" the girls demand.

Guy, turning bright red, pleads. "No … Don't make me fight his ducky."

Maz, Isobel, and Nola yell.

"RUBBER DUCKY AND BUBBLE BATH!"

Robin and Gisborne in unison.

"Oh … Fine!"

_**The thumping great big bathtub**_

"No body likes to see me in a bath." Vasey whines, pouting.

'That's true,' says Robin with a smug grin, thus earning a "die" glare from the short sheriff. However, before it could take full effect, Isobel pushes him into the bath.

Splash!

_**Right. The battle commences**_

Quack.

Quack.

Quack.

Quack! OW!

"Sorry Guy, I didn't realise that was your-"

"Oh shut up, Robin!"

* * *

Nola is commentating on proceedings with way too much enthusiasm so Maz decides to push her into the water for a laugh, or so we are meant to believe.

SPLASH!

"Oi!" roars Robin. Nola has landed on top of him and his ducky.

Nola snickers.

"Gotcha!" She sneers.

"Marian!" Guy growls dangerously.

"Vasey made me do it!" whines Maz, adjusting her bikini.

Ah! We now know the real reason behind the push!

"Marian!" Guy growls dangerously again.

"Well he did!"

The hunk of Nottingham rolls his eyes.

"Don't tell me. He threatened your Daddy again."

"No," Maz told Guy then folds her arms, thus guarding her rather spectacular chest much to the bloke's disappointment.

Guy tries again.

"He found Pudsey and said he'd drop kick him into the moat?"

"Nope."

"We have a moat, Gisborne?" Vasey asks, raising a grey eyebrow. "Why did you keep that from me, hmmm?"

Guy rolls his eyes again.

"Out with it woman!" he demands.

"He said Dad would have to referee the rubber ducky battle." Marian reveals at last.

"No one likes a tattle tale," moans Vasey sulkily.

'But your father hates me!' whines Guy.

'And me! And me!' adds Robin. "Sometimes."

"Stop whining you preachy bitch!" Guy yells at Robin.

"Oh! So you can whine but I can't?" yells Robin with his hands on his scrawny hips. "That is, like, soooooooo typical!"

Vasey turns to Maz.

"And I thought you were a pain."

The delectable wench merely shrugs.

* * *

Nola, having landed on Robin's side of the massive tub, was being better acquainted with Robin's ducky that was your average yellow bathtub rubber ducky.

However, after a lot of thinking and comparing notes with Isobel, she decides that Guy was in fact right all along and that he did have a bigger and better looking ducky then Robin's, his ducky being jet black and having its own widdle leather jacket etc, etc, so she swaps sides with Isobel.

* * *

"Rubber ducky, you're the one!" Nola and Guy sing.

"You make bath time lots of fun!" the others add.

'It's not the size...' begins Robin feeling dejected.

"Oh, grow up!" everyone on Guy's side yells.

'Cheer up pretty boy or I'll get Isobel on you!' orders Guy, adding wickedly. 'You should have seen what she did to me earlier? You really should have been there! She-'

"Guy!" Nola cries, pissed off.

"What?"

"Oh … You … You oaf!"

_**Ohh. Let us bring Much & Djaq in.**_

'Where the hell do you all keep coming from? I thought I told Nola to lock the bloody door?' hollers Guy. He glares furiously at Nola who merely sticks her tongue up her nose, hence almost maiming Gizzy for life.

'That's some welcome!' says Much, grinning at Nola.

Nola, blushing, swims over to Guy who has recovered from the near maiming for life.

"Are you going to be nicer to me now, Gizzy? She asks sweetly.

"After what Isobel & Maz did to me earlier, yeah.' Guy purrs, grinning like the cat that got the canary and the cream and the tuna and the … Back to the contest.

Ohhh, we can only imagine what Maz & Isobel did to Guy earlier.

Maz hides her face in her hands, blushing hard.

Isobel beams.

"Awww, anytime Guy. Anytime," she coos.

Really, really pissed off, Nola decides it is time to bugger off but Guy does that wrist-grabbing thing and pulls her to him.

"Don't even think about it, wench!" he sneers.

She should be mad as hell, but instead, Nola is seriously turned on and snogs Guy hard on the mouth before leaping out of the bath.

* * *

Isobel looks at Robin whom by now is wondering exactly what she and Maz did to Guy earlier.

"Do you think she still cares for me?" RH asks Isobel miserably.

Marian and Robin's very dramatic theme starts playing in the background.

"Get her drunk and then we'll both know," Isobel replies dryly. "Maz apparently reveals a lot when pissed as a parrot."

"I do not!" Maz cries defensively.

"Think she knows who the nightwatchman is?" Guy asks curiously.

"Mmmmm. Perhaps."

"I'll go and get the booze then."

"Wait! Guy, don't go just yet!" Isobel shouts.

"What? Why not?" asks Guy torn between getting booze so he can watch Maz get totally plastered and standing up naked in front of so many people!

"Say cheese!" Nola shrieks, appearing with a digital camera.

Everyone crowds round to pose

"No! Not you Vasey! You'll break the lense!" Maz says.

"Everyone's a critic!" grumbles the sheriff.

"CHEESE!"

Click, click!

Suddenly, Gizzy looks rather bothered

"What is it?" the girls asked.

Djaq and Much know exactly what is happening and have taken cover.

"The baked beans!" Gisborne exclaims "They ... I'm going to fart now! A big one! Everything will be obliterated!"

"Not if we point you in the right direction!" Maz cries passionately, her spectacular chest heaving.

"Let er rip!" screams Isobel, handing out gas masks, which curiously look a lot like Darth Vader masks.

"But Robin hasn't farted!" Djaq, appearing out of nowhere, argues.

"Apparently they make real men fart and give little boys diarrhoea and irregularity," Guy said, clenching and unclenching his bum cheeks. "Yay!" he cries, delighted. "I'm a real bloke!"

Everyone grabs Guy, lefts him onto their shoulders and points him towards, somehow, Prince John!

_**Five seconds later**_

Pop ... whistle ... phhhhhrrrrhfffttt.

"That's it?" cries Djaq, appearing out of nowhere, again. "Pop ... whistle ... phhhhhrrrrhfffttt? I could do better then that!"

"Don't pressure me," Guy grumbles.

"What about "Snap, crackle, pop, Rice Bubbles?" Robin asks.

"A clue-Hey, not a bad idea. I'm hungry," declares Nola.

"You were about to steal my best quote, weren't you little copyright infringing wench!" Vasey sneers.

"Well …."

"Let's get on with it, shall we?" growls Gisborne.

"Oh alright!"

_**Seconds later**_

BANG!

"Weee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"My bottom hurts!"

"Awwww, diddums!"

**BOOM**!

* * *

"Ok, who thought they'd try to light it?' roars Guy, thoroughly unamused an hour later.

"Ummmm ... Me" confesses Djaq sheepishly, magically appearing out of nowhere, AGAIN, carrying an unconscious Much and Maz on her back.

"Gisborne fire!" cried Robin. "Lambert would be proud!"

Meanwhile, Vasey is really pissed off. He and Gizzy are out of a job.

"You stupid Jasper!" he yells. "We're out of a job!"

"That really hurt!" whines Gizzy, rubbing his derriere.

Nola, Djaq, and Isobel both run to his aid.

Vasey stares and wonders how Gizzy manages to attract so many beautiful ladies.

So does Robin.

The annoying _night watchman_ theme starts to play and Maz, now wide-awake, jumps up and tries to save the day rather unsuccessfully. Unsuccessfully because the day had already been saved thanks to Guy's rather massive fire/arse, power.

"Oh sod off you prudey old fart!" Vasey yells at her.

Miffed, the delectable Maz tries to pout at Robin and Guy but they both ignore her.

Meanwhile … In the dungeon … Allan A Dale, chained to a wall, wondering what the hell is going on up there.

_**The end!**_

_**The mini epilogue!**_

Everyone moved into Nottingham Castle and did many a good deed until Much let Vasey out of the dungeon.

Therefore, Robin the gang and the girls loaded Guy with baked beans and pointed him at Vasey...


End file.
